Therapy as an Act of Rebellion & a note on Rebelling | letters from Dena

therapy to me is an act of rebellion

I sat typing a paper last night that is due today, and in typical ADHD style - ruminating on the thought of the paper while waiting until the last minute stress push to actually write the paper -- has given me a moment of insight.

The paper was about the importance of taking time to establish relationship during the informed consent process, and my professor asked why this important.

As my words fell onto the paper, I realized informed consent defines our boundaries. This is the cold what, where and how. Inside these boundaries exist the freedom for authenticity and a certain re-wilding of our true nature as we rebel against the thing or the things that are the underpinning of why someone seeks out a therapist.

If trauma starts in spaces and places where we feel overwhelm, and can do nothing in the moment to help ourselves -- then -- is therapy the rebellion against any number of things that dull our life experience after trauma?

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be wild. but. be safe.

I think so. Below is a snippet of my paper...

My favorite author, Jungian psychotherapist Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, comes to mind as I type.

In one of her books or stories, she conveys an analogy about women having the capacity for self-destruction in times of emotional turmoil. Years ago, I took this as a life philosophy to mean that structure brings sweetness. That we can be wild to an extent..

We can be wild.

To an extent.

Dr. Estes cautions women to use "buffer rails" like those on a bowling lane while rebelling. I view therapy as an act of rebellion, a rebellion against systems, emotions, shame, and guilt. Informed consent in the space of therapy is the buffer rail for therapy-- but if we widen this approach...

Dr. Estes notes that before we begin to rebel against something, we must have defined parameters of how far out we are willing to go and still be safe.

I love this analogy, and I speak to it at every opportunity I can. Without "buffer rails," we may become a danger to others or ourselves in any act of rebellion.

The buffer rails are the structure that allows for the possibility of sweetness...

How far out can you go in any direction in your actions of rebellion and still remain safe?

What is your goal?

Where are your buffer rails in the situation?

What plans do you need to lay before you begin?

How I wish I had this kind of structure in my past. Oh. The mistakes I have made with money, with men, with myself....

Reframed...some of these could have looked like this:

Spend the money, but put a little aside somewhere -- a place that's hard to reach on impulse.

Sleep with him, but use protection.

Have a drink, have 3. Stop at 3. Take an Uber to the bar so you don't take out that mailbox on the way home...

Sure. It's probably not as wild or sexy to plan your chaos, but maybe (self) destructive goddess isn't the best vibe either.