Limiting Beliefs - How to stop the self-talk that can hold you back.
- Dena Bradford
- Aug 13
- 5 min read
Let's talk (at a high level) about a concept known as limiting beliefs.
Do you ever have a thought that maybe you aren't good enough to do X, Y or Z just yet? Perhaps if you just studied a little more, or acted a bit more like someone else...anyone else...
That voice in our minds that tell us we aren't quite ready.
Limiting beliefs are deeply held thoughts or assumptions that often go unnoticed but can hold us back from achieving our goals or feeling good about ourselves.
These beliefs often stem from past experiences and can become so ingrained that they feel like facts, even when they’re not true.
Let's explore what limiting beliefs are, how to identify them, and—most importantly—how to challenge them. By the end of this though stream of mine -- you’ll have a better understanding of how to take control of your thoughts and create more positive and empowering beliefs.
Identifying Limiting Beliefs
The first step in working with limiting beliefs is learning how to spot them. This can be a little tricky, because sometimes - we do not want to see how we limit ourselves.
These beliefs can operate in the background of our minds, influencing how we approach situations without us even realizing it. But with a little practice, you can bring these hidden beliefs into the light. Here’s how:
Start by paying attention to your self-talk. Notice the things you say to yourself, especially in moments of stress, doubt, or failure. Limiting beliefs often show up as negative, critical, or self-defeating thoughts.
For example: I’ll never be good at this or I always mess things up.
Then...
Start looking for patterns. Limiting beliefs are usually repetitive.
If you notice the same negative thought coming up in different situations, it could be a clue that you’re dealing with a limiting belief.
Ask yourself questions. When you notice a negative thought, dig deeper by asking:
What am I assuming about myself or this situation?
Where did this belief come from?
Is this thought based on facts, or is it just a story I’m telling myself?
Watch for absolutes. Words like always, never, and can’t are red flags for limiting beliefs. These words make a belief feel fixed and unchangeable, which can keep you stuck.
Next - Notice how the belief makes you feel. Limiting beliefs often trigger feelings of fear, shame, or frustration. If a thought leads to these emotions, it’s worth examining more closely.
By becoming more aware of your thoughts and the emotions they bring up, you’ll start to see where limiting beliefs might be hiding.
How to Start Challenging Limiting Beliefs
Once you’ve identified a limiting belief, the next step is to challenge it. The goal here is to question the belief’s validity and replace it with a more balanced and empowering perspective. Here are some practical strategies you can use:
Gather evidence and ask yourself:
What evidence supports this belief?
What evidence contradicts it?
You might realize that the belief isn’t as solid as it seems. For example, if you think, I always fail, you can probably find examples in your life where you’ve succeeded.
Reframe the belief.
Once you’ve gathered evidence, try to create a more balanced thought. Instead of I always fail, you might say, I sometimes struggle, but I’ve also succeeded in the past, and I can learn from my mistakes.
Test your belief. Take small steps to challenge the belief in real life. For instance, if you believe, I’m terrible at public speaking, try speaking up in a low-stakes situation, like a small group discussion.
Notice what happens and use the experience to adjust your belief.
Always talk to yourself with compassion. This is not an exercise in self-judgement. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this new (and sometimes awkward feeling) way of being.
Replace harsh or critical self-talk with kind and supportive language. For example, instead of saying, I’m so bad at this, try saying, I’m still learning, and it’s okay to make mistakes.
Visualize success. Imagine yourself overcoming the situation where the limiting belief holds you back. Visualization can help you feel more confident and prepared to take action.
Challenging limiting beliefs takes practice, but over time, it can help you shift from self-doubt to self-confidence. Remember: just because you’ve believed something for a long time doesn’t mean it’s true or unchangeable.
You Can Do This. Here are a couple of real world case studies to help get you started:
Imagine a student, Sarah, who struggles with a limiting belief: I’m not smart enough to succeed. She first noticed this belief after failing a challenging math exam in high school, and it has stuck with her ever since.
To identify the belief, Sarah started paying attention to her self-talk. She realized that anytime she faced something new or difficult, she’d hear herself say, You’re not smart enough for this. This thought often made her feel anxious and unmotivated.
To challenge the belief, Sarah began by gathering evidence. She reminded herself of times when she’d solved tough problems at work or learned new skills successfully. These examples didn’t align with her belief that she wasn’t smart enough.
Next, Sarah reframed her thought. Instead of saying, I’m not smart enough to succeed, she practiced saying, I’ve succeeded before, and I can figure this out with effort and persistence.
Sarah also decided to test her belief by signing up for an online course on a topic she’d always wanted to learn about. She approached the course with an open mind, reminding herself that she could ask questions and take her time.
Over time, Sarah noticed her confidence growing. She still faced moments of doubt, but she felt more equipped to challenge those thoughts and take positive steps forward.
David, another student, believed, I’m terrible at making friends. This belief stemmed from a few negative social experiences in middle school, and it made him feel isolated and hesitant to approach new people.
To identify the belief, David reflected on his behavior and noticed that he often avoided social events or stayed quiet in group settings. He also realized that his self-talk was full of absolutes, like Nobody will like me or I always say the wrong thing.
To challenge this belief, David started by asking himself, Is this really true? Have I always struggled to connect with others? He recalled times when he’d made friends in the past, like during a summer camp where he felt comfortable being himself.
David then reframed his belief to something more realistic: Meeting new people can be hard sometimes, but I’m capable of building meaningful connections.
He also decided to test his belief by joining a local book club. At his first meeting, he introduced himself to one person and focused on having a simple, friendly conversation. The interaction went better than he’d expected, which gave him a boost of confidence.
By continuing to challenge his belief and take small social risks, David started to feel more comfortable in group settings and began to view himself as someone who could connect with others.
It is my personal thought that we all struggle with limiting beliefs from time to time, and I find this practice to be helpful for me. If it feels like an exercise you would like to try in your own life, I encourage you to.
Keep in mind -- This is a high level overview of challenging limiting beliefs. Try it out, and if you have questions - or need some help -- let me know.
Yours in the journey,
Dena
Comments